The phrase “in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king” has been on my mind alot lately for a few reasons, but this post will focus on things I’ve seen in the dance scene as a student and now instructor with Kizomba Harmony, although it is applicable to most everyone’s life and therefore worth a read. You ever notice how many of the truly elite in any endeavor, be it dance, business (Warren Buffet comes to mind),etc. tend to be some of the humblest people you’ll ever meet? And I don’t mean “Facebook humble”, where one’s social media posts are geared to craft an image that does not match one’s dealings with people in real life, particularly with those whose views and actions are contrary to one’s interests or desired self-image or inconvenient to one’s preferences, but those who are truly down to earth and self aware. There is a reason for this.
For purposes of this post when I say “humility” I refer to having a clear perspective and respect for one’s place in context, and I’ve written a few posts on this as I believe it is necessary to truly grow and be emotionally mature. But sometimes, when we start to develop a bit of talent in something, it can be easy to lose that perspective. To an absolute beginner,even an intermediate or advanced beginner dancer (or painter, athlete, musician,what have you) can appear to be AMAZING, and being surrounded by rank beginners can often create what I’ll call a “bubble of distorted vision” wherein the comparison between yourself and those with limited ability creates a falsely elevated opinion of one’s own ability. This is part of the reason why sometimes you’ll see advanced beginner/intermediate dancers “turning their noses up” at dancing with beginners in favor of advanced/instructor/professional dancers. This is also why you’ll see dancers (and instructors) stop or slack off on working to increase their ability because they either think they’re more advanced than they truly are, or because instructors believe they only need to be a “smidge” better than their students. Understandable, but still, not a good look, at least not for the kind of dance scene I want to be a part of.
This phenomenon is particularly dangerous in a small yet growing scene like the Kizomba scene in the US for a few reasons. Because the level of dancing here generally isn’t yet as high as it is in older and more established scenes, it’s relatively easy to be considered a good dancer, and definitely easier to become an instructor, particularly in places where there is little to no Kizomba presence. Here it’s possible to dance for two months, be considered “good”, and then start teaching, whereas in a more established scene (like the salsa scene in Houston) that just doesn’t happen. And though I support people teaching in areas new to Kizomba as I want the scene to grow, instructors have a duty to not allow the “bubble” to cloud their perspective overmuch.
One aspect of “bubble” related danger to the dance scene is cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort people feel when they simultaneously hold or are confronted with two conflicting beliefs or ideas, a quandary illustrated by Aesop’s “The Fox and the Grapes”. How people deal with this cognitive dissonance is a pretty good indicator of emotional maturity. For example, if I consider myself to be very kind and positive, and yet someone brings to my attention my repeated unkind and negative treatment towards them, I now have a conflict between my self-image as being kind and positive, and the evidence that I’m not as kind or positive as I like to believe. Often people will resolve this conflict by lashing out at, being hostile or passive-aggressive towards, or simply avoiding people who tell us things we don’t want to hear. So if I cut off people who tell me things I don’t want to hear, now I can comfortably surround myself with those who do tell me what I want to hear. This is an immature way to deal with cognitive dissonance. The better way is to say “hmmm… I haven’t been as kind or positive as I like to think I am… I will apologize and make amends”. That is the mature way to handle it and resolve cognitive dissonance. This is part of why in the dance scene folks who falsely think of themselves as “elite”,whether as an instructor or dancer, sometimes react in an unpleasant manner when confronted with information that pops their “bubble”, whether it be a friend, a partner, a mentor or a colleague who keeps it real with us. This also explains why sometimes folks who have an uber-elevated opinion of their own abilities act “funny” towards or avoid being around true elite level dancers or those with more ability, or try to sidestep by saying they just have a different “style” from elite level dancers because of the discomfort that is the hallmark of cognitive dissonance. That conflict between the self-image of being“the best dancer” and the reality check of being “not the best dancer” can be tough to swallow. Being a big fish in a small pond can feel great, but we must be very conscientious about how we act when we are reminded that there are always bigger fish, and bigger ponds,particularly when the reminder is ultimately to our own benefit. Those who think they know everything stop learning, and those who think they’ve already “arrived” stop growing.
But don’t get me wrong my people, I’ve suffered from the “bubble”myself. Two months after I started taking Kizomba lessons with Kizomba Harmony a couple years back, I considered myself to be “good”. And although I was relatively “good” in comparison to my local peers, imagine my shock when, a few months later, Kizomba Harmony brought Isabelle and Felicien to Houston for a workshop. For those who don’t know, theyare from Paris, which has a huge thriving and relatively advanced Kizomba scene. For months, I’d thought of myself as “good”, but that workshop absolutely kicked my butt (the struggle was real!),and really opened my eyes as to what my true level was. Talk about a humbling experience lol. My “bubble of distortion” was definitely popped! And as I continued to work hard and level up, each time I’d start to get comfortable and start “smelling myself” my now-partner Monica Kay would bring awesome talent like Nika Karter, Florian Tep, Jeffrey and Leila, Oscar BA, Cymeone Mopao, and Ennuel Iverson to Houston and I’d be humbled all over again and reminded that I had much more to learn. But rather than be hostile or overly “in my feelings” about it, it motivated me to work that much harder to get better. And in that way, among others, Monica’s hard work directly contributed to my current level in a big way, and the level of the scene in Houston for that matter. Even now as an instructor, I still have to remind myself that although my level of Kizomba ability is relatively decent, I still have much more to learn and room to grow. Of course, continuing to have amazing talent come to town like Yair and Chalianna, Eddy Vents, Lucia Nogueira (next weekend! Shoutout to Eric and Karla DMMK!), and Moun (March!) certainly helps me keep things in check.
Speaking of staying humble, I think my partner deserves a shoutout here. Having a partner like Monica is a definite asset. Monica,although she is truly an elite level follow, and has danced with the best dancers in the world, she is always driven to get better, and she pushes me and everyone else to do the same. Her BS meter is set to “NOPE”, and though sometimes it’s challenging having your “bubble” popped, she really helps keep me focused on leveling up. In fact, I can attribute a significant portion of my rapidly increasing dance ability to working with her and teaching. To take it farther, I’d say a sizable portion of the reason Houston has become known for having the level of dancers it has is a result of the work she’s put in bringing talent here and leveling folks up over the past year when she started teaching on her own as the head of Kizomba Harmony. So, Monica, you are appreciated!
Often our actions are motivated by our goals, so it makes sense to talk about goals a bit. My goal as a dancer was at first to simply be good enough to give the ladies a fun dance, and therein make it more likely that I would be able to get as many dances as I want when I would go out social dancing. So I made sure not to only work on dance ability, but also attitude and etiquette (like smelling good and not being a creeper).
Now my goal as a dancer is to be considered among the elite Kizomba/Semba dancers worldwide (and a damn good salsa/bachata dancer too!), and I’m working hard to that end, while still making sure to smell good and be respectful and kind of course! My goal as an instructor is to help build a scene where people have a high level of ability, a great attitude, and a genuine desire to dance with EVERYONE, not only elite level dancers, famous people, or the hot young thangs. A scene where people like to dance Kizomba, Semba, and Tarraxinha appropriately, and enjoy listening to all music, whether Kizomba, Ghetto Zouk, Semba, Tarraxinha, instrumentals and dancing appropriately and with excellent technique and musicality as the music leads us. A scene where beginners and people of all backgrounds feel welcomed and appreciated, and where instructors treat each other with respect civility, and kindness.
To that end, I’ll leave these final thoughts.
Dancers, if your goal is to be elite level, you should (especially as a beginner) take classes with EVERYONE as your resources allow. Each instructor has his or her own methods of teaching, and you can usually learn something from everyone. I know as a student I took classes with everyone I could, and I still try to take as many classes as I can as time allows, even classes focusing on “the basics”. As you level up more and more, do research and look to see whose style you most feel drawn to, or if you get the chance to dance with instructors, who gives you the “feel” you like most, and seek them out for privates. Lastly, practice, practice, practice. The trifecta of group classes, private lessons, and practice will get you where you want to be. And as you level up, be sure to remember to keep working on your basics, and remember where you came from when a beginner asks you to dance! I know did and still do make it a point to dance with beginners regularly, and I still to this day practice my basics constantly.
To my instructors, please continue to work hard and provide a quality product to our students. I know it’s easy to let marketing and more commercial aspects of being an instructor take priority over increasing your dance level, but please make an effort to level up if you aren’t already. As American Kizomba instructors we are definitely in the vanguard and have the potential to truly create an amazing dance scene that all will enjoy and benefit from. And although healthy competition can be a beautiful thing, don’t allow it to influence you to the point where you start acting “funny” towards those you view as competitors. We’re all in this together, and the students and scene benefit when we remember that. This doesn’t mean we can’t disagree, have differing opinions, or even call each other out sometimes (in a civil manner), but there should not be conflict to the point of students feeling like they have to “choose sides”,because they shouldn’t and don’t have to. We’re all boats in the ocean of Kizomba, and as the water level increases, all of our boats rise. Just something to keep in mind.
I appreciate you all taking the time to read this. I know it was long, and I might have ruffled a few feathers, but I do this out of a genuine love and passion for Kizomba and the scene we’re creating. I look forward to hearing your thoughts! See you all on the dance floor my people!
Originally written as a Facebook Note (embedded below)
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