“Come on Monica…you should be doing better.” I hate when one of my dance mentors says this. The words sting, partly because deep down, I know that he is right.   My initial desire when I hear this is to always put up a defensive wall but experience has taught me otherwise. I look over at my partner who also looks like he had been hit by the struggle bus during this particular training session, he gives me a nod of encouragement…I take a deep breath as our mentor stops the music and begin to listen to what is being said….

Dance does not come naturally to me, especially learning the dances of Kizomba, Semba, and Tarraxinha. I have to work hard on so many levels. I’m very left brained by nature and the way I learn is already a two step process! So if someone tells me to “just feel it” or worse “dance more African” (YES, I’ve been told that by an instructor…next blog post will be about how to give constructive criticism ;P ) my first response is WHAT are you talking about?!…Dance is not concrete, it is qualitative, so I have to adapt to this paradigm shift by first conceptually understanding what is being said, and sometimes THAT is a struggle in itself.   Then I begin working on readjusting my body to internalize these movements and intentions. It is a daily struggle, this does NOT happen overnight.

So yes, I am very qualified to write a post about accepting constructive criticism as a dancer. I have received lots of it! I welcome the feedback although the initial remarks may sting. My dance partner and I continue to work hard daily on improving how we dance. We do this because we are passionate about being the best that we can be. We also have another level of learning to add on! We need to be able to TEACH what we have learned which is also a whole different skill set in itself (as you all know, being a great dancer doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a good instructor).

I will now introduce the acronym L.I.P. as a way to accept constructive criticism and to use it to your advantage.   Give yourself LIP service if you will…because you owe it to yourself as a dancer to be the best that you can be.

STEP 1: L is for LISTEN

There is a saying that there is a reason for why humans were made to have two ears and one mouth. Listening is more important than talking in this instance.

Listen Part A: Check your source. Make sure the person that you are receiving criticism from is reliable, has your best interest at heart, and is someone who is worth your time.   There is so much talk nowadays about how “haters are going to hate.” Well, just because someone says something that you don’t like or that is inconvenient to your interests, that does not necessarily make them a hater, but you have to be able to distinguish if the person is really a hater or not. If they are, brush them aside. More than likely, if someone has taken the time to comment about something, they are your friends, colleagues, or instructor and they ARE looking out for your best interests. I would hope that if you were my friend, you would help me to improve by giving me feedback, congratulating me when I act on that feedback, then giving me some more constructive criticism so that I can continue to become the best that I can be!

LISTEN Part B: Listen without judgment. This is HARD. First identify what your defense mechanisms are. For me, I turn into the micro machines “motor mouth.”   I will try to out talk someone that is giving me critiques to feed my ego at the SAME TIME criticism is happening. I try to tell my criticizer why it wasn’t my fault, to tell myself that I am okay! Well duh, I’m okay, more than likely, someone wouldn’t take the time to try to give me good feedback in the first place if they thought I wasn’t okay. The issue though is since I’m so busy running my mouth and thinking of ways to make myself feel awesome, I don’t listen to what is being said at all. And with that, I just missed a golden opportunity to take my dancing to the next level. When I feel this urge to start talking, I have now learned to cope by just nodding my head. It looks weird like I’m a muppet but it’s better than not listening to what is being said. Nodding my head gives me something to do but allows my ears to really listen to what is being said.  Also as a way to confirm that I have heard everything correctly, I will summarize what was said or say “uh huh” after repeating each point in my head, or write down everything. There is no point in listening at the present moment if you are unable to remember what was actually said.

Step 2: I is for INTERNALIZE

Internalize Part A: Have a method of measuring your progress. For my dance partner and I, it is our Kizomba Harmony YouTube Channel. I guess we have a more public way of measuring our progress because you guys can see it too! With each successive demo that we do, we make it a point to make sure that our dancing is improving. During practice we also film ourselves and analyze the videos after each practice session.

Internalize Part B: Be kind to yourself. It’s okay to not be there yet. I look at videos of my favorite Kizomba and Semba couples and sometimes it can get discouraging. Especially since the more I learn, the more I realize how much I have to learn, and the cycle just keeps continuing. Be able to congratulate yourself on your success. Each small victory should not go unnoticed. Our YouTube Channel has a dual purpose and we do not take down old videos for this very reason. Of course it would be great if we could have this image of always knowing how to dance, but we would be lying to ourselves and to our students. We want to be the opposite, to show them that it is okay to learn, to struggle, and to enjoy the journey by celebrating how far you have come. At the end of the month, my dance partner Billy and I always schedule a day off to celebrate by going out to dinner or doing a fun activity to congratulate ourselves for a month of hard work.

Step 3: P is for PLAN

Plan a strategy after feedback is given. How are you going to improve? Make a step-by-step outline if necessary because targeted practice is more useful and saves time and frustration. Once you have a plan, attack it with full gusto diligently and hold yourself accountable. Continually reassess if you are on the right path, and if you struggle, ask for help again or clarification.

Dancing is fun but can be frustrating. Trust me we have all been there. Excellent dancers are not born overnight, some may have been blessed with more innate talent than you, but that will never trump hard work as the saying goes. Hope this blog post was helpful. Stay tuned for my next one on the topic of how to GIVE constructive criticism, and if you like this post, feel free to share on Facebook or wherever you’d like and check out our other blog posts at www.kizombaharmony.com/blog.  I hope to dance with you all sometime soon!

Harmoniously yours,

Monica Kay

I’m often inclined to speak on issues I’ve seen in my time as a student and now instructor with Kizomba Harmony. Last time, I spoke on the lack of respect for follows and following in the Kizomba scene. This time, I feel inclined to speak on another issue in the community: the different “styles” and “evolutions” of Kizomba I’ve seen marketed these days.

Often these days, you will see folks refer to the way they dance Kizomba as a “new style” or “evolution” of Kizomba. And although I support people finding their own personal style and flavor to add to their dancing, sometimes these labels can be misleading at best and an irresponsible offense at worst. So I will give my thoughts on this matter, in hopes that potential students out there will not be misled by all the labels and marketing terms flying around in the Kizomba scene. First I will speak on one of the most widely labeled styles of dancing Kizomba, and then I will speak on the difference between an “evolution” and a “mutation”.

There is a popular style of dancing Kizomba to Ghetto Zouk/Tarraxinha/instrumental music commonly referred to as the “French Style” of dancing Kizomba. The term is actually a misnomer, since as you might guess, not everyone in France dances this way. In fact, the term actually refers to the way a certain few well-known instructors in France dance. I will not mention them here, as they do not dance exactly the same and would resent being lumped together. I honestly do not like using the term “French style”, but I’ll use it in this blog post for the sake of clarity.

So, what then, is the “French Style” of dancing Kizomba? In an effort not to overgeneralize, I will describe it as dancing with a slightly more upright posture, with more emphasis on playing with varying tempos, steps/tricks, technicality, an “elegant” attitude, and tarraxinha elements. There has been much discord and discussion by those who love dancing this way, and also those who strongly dislike it, preferring to dance Kizomba as it is traditionally danced. Although I love dancing Kizomba to Kizomba music (not to be confused with Ghetto Zouk, etc.), and when I do, I dance Kizomba as it is traditionally danced, I personally like dancing in this different style to certain types of music, such as Ghetto Zouk and instrumentals. I consider this style, done correctly to be an “evolution” of Kizomba that fits well with certain music, but with certain caveats as I will explain in further detail below.

You might be wondering, “Well what the heck does he mean by evolution”? For purposes of this blog, I will define an “evolution” of a dance as a style that keeps the fundamentals of the original dance intact, while adding something new. Although this style may seem like a totally different dance depending on who is dancing, the style (when done well) is at its core a combination of three Angolan dances, Semba, Kizomba, and Tarraxinha. If you look at the most talented dancers of this new style, you may find that many of the tricks and steps look much like Semba. This is not a coincidence. In fact, I sometimes describe this style as “slowed down Semba, with elements of Tarraxinha mixed in”. Although I don’t think this style of dancing is suitable for Kizomba music (as opposed to Ghetto Zouk, etc.), this style of dancing fits nicely with music such as Ghetto Zouk and instrumentals, with their generally slower beats and electronic elements. You might also be surprised (or not) to find that most of the elite dancers of this style have a very solid grasp of the fundamentals of dancing Kizomba (and Semba) as they are danced to Kizomba (and Semba) music. The reason these dancers are able to dance in the “French style” so well is that they FIRST mastered the basics and fundamentals of Kizomba. So though for purposes of this blog post I call this style an “evolution”, this style isn’t really anything completely new and a 180 degree turnabout, it’s still Kizomba, just with a different flavor to match the different types of music that developed in the scene. When dancers do not first master the fundamentals of Kizomba (such as being circular and walking), the way they dance cannot truly be called an evolution or even a “new style”, but rather a “mutation”, which brings me to my next point.

I cannot stress this enough, so I will put it in all caps. This is particularly important for instructors, as we are in a position of influence, and must take care not to misinform our students. IF YOU HAVE NOT PUT IN THE WORK TO GET A SOLID GRASP OF THE FUNDAMENTALS OF KIZOMBA AS IT IS TRADITIONALLY DANCED, AND DO NOT RETAIN THE CORE ELEMENTS OF KIZOMBA IN YOUR DANCING, THAN YOU CANNOT IN GOOD FAITH CALL YOUR STYLE OF DANCING A “NEW STYLE” OF KIZOMBA OR AN “EVOLUTION” OF KIZOMBA. This is not something most people will learn in six months, or a year, or even two years in my humble opinion. It takes quite a while to really get the “feel” of Kizomba right. It takes hard work, dedication to learning and perseverance. Period.

Why then, are people throwing around terms like “new style” so much? Well, for one, I believe it is for marketing purposes. As in modern times everyone is about “something new”, portraying your product or service as something “different” or “fresh” helps set you apart. Also, by framing their style as something “apart” from Kizomba, the hope is that they can sidestep criticism from those more experienced in the dance. If a master-level instructor comes up to me and says “your fundamentals are lacking my dude!”, wouldn’t it be convenient if I could say “well… no I actually dance a new style I call Billy Kizomba so it’s just my own genre of dance and the fundamentals aren’t the same as in Kizomba”. But then I’d be lying, because though I do have my own personal style, I am still dancing Kizomba and I certainly didn’t invent the dance. The other issue is that people still use the term “Kizomba” because it is good for marketing, even if what they do is completely unrecognizable as Kizomba to those that know it best. It is my sincere hope that this kind of marketing will be become discouraged as more and more students become well-informed on the fundamentals of Kizomba.

So why is it important to get a solid grasp of the fundamentals of Kizomba first before adding things? Well, for one, It is totally acceptable to dance Kizomba as it is traditionally danced to any music, be it Kizomba, Ghetto Zouk, etc., but it is not appropriate to dance in the “French Style” or other styles (many of which favor Tarraxinha, tango, bachata, and other moves) to Kizomba music. Alot of people, particularly in the US, aren’t familiar with Kizomba music and therefore will often clear the dance floor when Kizomba is played, only to come back when Ghetto Zouk/Tarraxinha is played again. Learning how to dance to actual Kizomba music first would rectify this issue. Another reason is that at its heart, Kizomba isn’t about the steps or moves, it’s about how you MOVE, and that’s not something you can learn by watching YouTube videos, or taking a few privates and workshops and then thinking you’re ready to be a teacher and stop learning. You can learn a bunch of tricks on YouTube or wherever, but if your fundamentals are lacking, you won’t “feel right” to those who have a solid grasp of the basics. To use a cake analogy (I like cake haha), a dancer who has focused on learning moves and neglected the basics is like a “cake” but with no actual cake, only icing… it may look sweet, but there is no real substance, just fluff. On the other hand, a dancer who has mastered the basics but doesn’t know many tricks yet is like a cake with no icing… it may not look as pretty on the outside… but it will definitely give you a more satisfying experience. To put it another way, focusing on fancy moves or “evolutions” before getting a solid grasp of the basics is like putting the cart before the horse… you’re unlikely to get as far as easily as you would doing things in the opposite order.

So how can you know who has a solid grasp of the basics? This can be tough, because so much of the beauty of Kizomba is in what you feel, not what you see, and often on YouTube videos it’s easy to distract viewers with cool scenery, editing tricks, and female hip movements. But, in my experience, watching people dance to Kizomba (not Ghetto Zouk) is very educational indeed. As all the moves from Tarraxinha, Tango, Bachata, Zouk, etc. that many dancers fuse into their dancing is inappropriate when dancing to Kizomba music, dancers are left with just dancing Kizomba, and so it is easier to actually see how they move.

But don’t get me wrong people, I did not start dancing Kizomba and immediately have a solid grasp of the basics. In fact, the way I danced over two years ago when I first started Kizomba, or even a year or so ago for that matter, is MUCH different than the way I dance now. As the scene was very young back then, most of the dancers were brand new, and even the instructors hadn’t been dancing Kizomba for very long before they started teaching out of necessity. So we were all still learning, student and instructor alike. But there were two major turning points that really turned my dancing around. The first point was when my now-partner Monica Kay took over as director of Kizomba Harmony. I had been dancing for a little over a year at that point, and up until that time, I had thought that I was pretty frickin’ awesome at dancing Kizomba since I was considered one of the better leads in our local scene. But after Monica took over teaching duties and became my instructor and I danced more with her one-on-one, I realized that there was something sorely lacking in my lead. I found her very technical style of teaching and her focus on technique to be an excellent complement to my own extraordinarily detail-oriented method of learning, and though it was tough to start over and focus more on technique, I found that my lead started to exponentially improve as a result. In fact, our complementary view on learning and teaching is why we teach so well together now! And as she continued to go to great lengths to train herself up, she would in turn share all she’d learned with us, as would the talent she’d bring to Houston to train the students.

The second major turning point is when I started learning Semba. Semba is the parent dance and music to Kizomba. I guess you could say it’s the older, more playful and upbeat predecessor of Kizomba. Most of the basics and moves of Semba translate well to Kizomba, as the circular walking nature of Kizomba comes from Semba. The more I learned about Semba, the less my dancing sucked, as I started to focus less on Tarraxinha and staying in one place, and the more I began to actually MOVE. I took advantage of every opportunity to learn more Semba, and my partner and I still do. In fact, another way to see the level of someone’s basics is to watch them dance social Semba (meaning less emphasis on tricks as opposed to Semba “Show”). The better I get at dancing Semba, the better I get at dancing Kizomba, and that includes the “French style”.

For my last point, I will speak on “evolution”. As a way to illustrate my points, I will use a violin as a metaphor. Earlier I mentioned that for purposes of this blog, an “evolution” occurs when someone preserves the fundamental nature and core characteristics of something, but adds something new. But I must make it very clear that I DO NOT CONSIDER AN EVOLUTION TO BE SOMETHING SUPERIOR, JUST SOMETHING DIFFERENT. So to elaborate, if the violin was traditionally used to play classical music, you might say that using the violin to play a different style of music, such as bluegrass, is an “evolution”. You are still playing the violin, still using the same strings and bow, the same building blocks of music, just put together in a new and different way to express a different feeling and intention. This is how I think of the “French style”, when danced with the core characteristics of Kizomba intact.

On the flip side, let’s imagine a different scenario. Let’s say I find a violin and excitedly take it home. I take out the bow and I try to play, but I find that I cannot make two of the strings sound right. So because I can’t play those two strings, I break them off and their string pegs. Now I can more easily play my two-stringed violin, so I go and solicit students to learn how to play the “Billy Violin”, an “evolution” in violins. But in truth, is what I have an “evolution”? I think not. When you remove fundamental characteristics of something, whether it is because you cannot grasp them adequately or simply do not like them, and then add whatever you find convenient, what you have is not an “evolution”, but a “mutation”, plain and simple. When I say “mutation”, I am not referring to the cool X-Men sort, but the harmful sort that renders an inferior copy of the original. I believe that Kizomba “evolutions” are fine as long as they are appropriate to the music and aren’t misrepresented, but “mutations” are extremely harmful, particularly when instructors misrepresent said “mutations” as the real thing in order to take advantage of the (currently, but not for long) lower level of dance skill and knowledge about Kizomba/Semba in the US. I believe that as our dancers become more skilled and knowledgeable (and it’s happening!), this type of misrepresentation will become more and more difficult to continue without pushback.

So, in conclusion, I leave you with these final thoughts. To all the students out there, remember that the beauty of Kizomba is in the basics. Do not be taken in by all the flashy moves and other things you see on YouTube, and thereby succumb to the desire to put the cart before the horse. It is fun to do cool tricks, but if you get your basics under control, and get a solid grasp of the fundamental techniques of leading and/or following, then you’ll be able to more easily learn any move or trick you want, whether on YouTube, in pattern classes, group/private instruction, or just by watching dancers in person. Then you can focus on adding your own personal style to your dancing. To my instructors, please take care not to pass off a “mutation” as an “evolution” to those who place their trust and invest their resources in you. Keep working hard to hone your craft, and encourage your peers to do the same. And to those who enjoy dancing and teaching “evolutions” please also take care to FIRST inform students about Kizomba, both the music (Not Ghetto Zouk remixes etc.) and the dance (not Tangoxinhazoukchata), as a solid grasp and competent application of this knowledge is what differentiates an “evolution” from a “mutation”.

I lastly want to reiterate my opinion that although I do enjoy dancing in different styles to different music, I believe that real Kizomba is NOT “retro”, nor obsolete, but absolutely important, beautiful and fun in its own right, and does not require the addition of anything to make it so.

Thank you all for reading this, I hope you enjoyed the long read, and I’ll see you on the dance floor!

Sometimes I feel inclined to speak on things I’ve seen in my time as a Kizomba student and as an instructor with Kizomba Harmony. Last time, I spoke on humility and perspective in the Kizomba scene. If you haven’t read it, look in my Notes for “In the Land of the Blind, the One-Eyed Man is King (or Instructor)”, I think it’s worth a read. This time, I feel the need to speak on another issue plaguing the Kizomba/Semba community, both in the US and abroad: the lack of respect for follows and the art of following.

This problem manifests in many ways. Often you see male instructors running through partners like water bottles. You’ll sometimes see them travel often without their partners, or you’ll see their partners never mentioned on event flyers, FB posts, etc. In fact, sometimes you’d never know they even had a partner, if their behavior was the only indication. You also rarely see follows speaking during workshops, classes, etc. unless it’s a “lady’s styling corner” type part of the class. This is a problem.

On the promoting side, you often will see promoters inviting the male leads who have permanent partners to come teach workshops, but not their partners. Often these leads will instead use the promoter to assist if the promoter is a female follow. This is also a problem.

Lastly, you’ll find many women spend a relatively small amount of time dancing Kizomba, and get “bored” with following, feeling like it’s too easy. These women will then turn their attention to leading and stop working on their follow, or simply stop coming to classes, taking privates, etc. and simply stick to social dancing. Or you will find women who have achieved a high level of expertise in other dances, and think that since Kizomba is “easy”, they don’t need to take lessons. This is also a problem.

First I will address the male instructors. Fellas, Kizomba/Semba are partner dances. And although it is true that it takes more time, especially in the beginning, to train a lead up to a competent level than is does to train a follow up to a competent level, to become a truly elite follow takes a great amount of hard work and dedication. The way you treat your partner and what she brings to the table will be the example which others will follow. If you treat your partner like just a “warm body”, never allow her or fight for her to travel with you to teach, or when you do bring her with you, limit her ability to speak in workshops, never mention her in FB posts or event publicity, and never show appreciation for what she does, you give the impression that your partner, or follows in general, are expendable and don’t have as much to offer. This is a travesty and undermines the growth of our scene. As a male instructor who also follows (or tries to), I can attest that following is EXTREMELY difficult to master, in fact just the simple act of “letting go” and allow yourself to be lead is hard. And as very few elite level leads are also elite level follows, having a partner who actually can teach students how to follow is invaluable. Now, if all you’re teaching is a pattern class, then I get it, it can be relatively easy to just grab a decent level follow from wherever you’re traveling to and show her your choreographed moves for a class. But if you’re actually teaching students how to DANCE, then having a partner who can also teach will make the class much more rewarding for the students. So leads, if you have a partner, stand up for her when promoters try to neglect her, allow her to share her hard earned knowledge with students, respect her and appreciate her, because if you don’t, then it’s likely others won’t as well.

Next, I’ll address promoters. I understand that it’s still a tough economy, and often it’s more cost effective to bring one person down than two. I also understand that for, in particular, female promoters who also follow, that bringing a famous lead down and assisting him in class can be helpful for your own reputation and “shine”. But understand that by doing this, you create a dangerous precedent. If you want to increase the level of dance in your communities, getting instruction on both leading AND following is the most efficient way to do this. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes there are unforeseen issues that effect the ability of folks to bring their partners, visa issues, scheduling conflicts, etc. But to the extent that you can, bringing the lead AND follow (if it’s a partnership) will not only make the workshop better, but also will send the right message.

Last I will address the follows. Let me first say that mastering the ability to follow is EXTREMELY difficult. It is not something you can truly master in a few months. I definitely find it a challenge to follow, and I see even my partner Monica still work hard to master her following ability, and she’s already considered to be a high-level follow, so it is highly unlikely that someone who has been dancing Kizomba for less than a few years won’t benefit from more work. And although it is true that by electing to only dance with the most experienced leads you can still get some good dances even with relatively less-advanced follow ability, the truth is that lack of skill as a follow limits what even the best leads can do with you in a dance. In some more developed dance scenes, the leads are more critical and will avoid dancing with follows they consider to be “heavy” (not in weight, but in sensitivity as a follow). While we’ve worked hard to avoid creating a scene with a highly critical nature, this, along with other developments, has created an environment in which there is far more pressure on leads to become proficient (and thereby get dances) than there is on follows to become proficient (and thereby not be “heavy”). This has encouraged many women to slack off on lessons or avoid them altogether. This has also encouraged many women who have achieved proficiency in another dance (like salsa, bachata, etc.) to think that because Kizomba is “easy”, that they can just jump in and be a great Kizomba follow. But Kizomba is a different dance than salsa/bachata/etc., and the art of following Kizomba/Semba requires a completely different way of movement and different techniques that need to be learned in order to follow at a high level. Follows, whether you’ve been dancing for a month or years, whether you’re an expert salsa or tango dancer or a complete dance newbie, you all will benefit from further investment in your follow ability.

Also, to ladies who also lead, I support your efforts, and I think it’s cool to see ladies learn to lead. In fact, in some communities, women have had to step up and learn to lead due in part to a lack of male presence in the scene. But understand, that if you haven’t already developed high level follow ability, learning to lead will take away from your efforts to learn how to follow. Leading requires a totally different skill set, and although some can effectively develop both at the same time, these souls are rare indeed. And so I implore you ladies who lead, if you follow in social dancing, please do not neglect your follow training as you learn to lead. Because as much as skilled leads are essential to any dance scene, skilled follows are just as essential.

I appreciate all who have taken the time to read my note. I hope I haven’t ruffled too many feathers, but I felt that some things needed to be said. Please comment and tell me what you think, and feel free to share if you like it! See you all on the dance floor!

Originally written as a Facebook Note (embedded below)

The phrase “in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king” has been on my mind alot lately for a few reasons, but this post will focus on things I’ve seen in the dance scene as a student and now instructor with Kizomba Harmony, although it is applicable to most everyone’s life and therefore worth a read. You ever notice how many of the truly elite in any endeavor, be it dance, business (Warren Buffet comes to mind),etc. tend to be some of the humblest people you’ll ever meet? And I don’t mean “Facebook humble”, where one’s social media posts are geared to craft an image that does not match one’s dealings with people in real life, particularly with those whose views and actions are contrary to one’s interests or desired self-image or inconvenient to one’s preferences, but those who are truly down to earth and self aware. There is a reason for this.

For purposes of this post when I say “humility” I refer to having a clear perspective and respect for one’s place in context, and I’ve written a few posts on this as I believe it is necessary to truly grow and be emotionally mature. But sometimes, when we start to develop a bit of talent in something, it can be easy to lose that perspective. To an absolute beginner,even an intermediate or advanced beginner dancer (or painter, athlete, musician,what have you) can appear to be AMAZING, and being surrounded by rank beginners can often create what I’ll call a “bubble of distorted vision” wherein the comparison between yourself and those with limited ability creates a falsely elevated opinion of one’s own ability. This is part of the reason why sometimes you’ll see advanced beginner/intermediate dancers “turning their noses up” at dancing with beginners in favor of advanced/instructor/professional dancers. This is also why you’ll see dancers (and instructors) stop or slack off on working to increase their ability because they either think they’re more advanced than they truly are, or because instructors believe they only need to be a “smidge” better than their students. Understandable, but still, not a good look, at least not for the kind of dance scene I want to be a part of.

This phenomenon is particularly dangerous in a small yet growing scene like the Kizomba scene in the US for a few reasons. Because the level of dancing here generally isn’t yet as high as it is in older and more established scenes, it’s relatively easy to be considered a good dancer, and definitely easier to become an instructor, particularly in places where there is little to no Kizomba presence. Here it’s possible to dance for two months, be considered “good”, and then start teaching, whereas in a more established scene (like the salsa scene in Houston) that just doesn’t happen. And though I support people teaching in areas new to Kizomba as I want the scene to grow, instructors have a duty to not allow the “bubble” to cloud their perspective overmuch.

One aspect of “bubble” related danger to the dance scene is cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort people feel when they simultaneously hold or are confronted with two conflicting beliefs or ideas, a quandary illustrated by Aesop’s “The Fox and the Grapes”. How people deal with this cognitive dissonance is a pretty good indicator of emotional maturity. For example, if I consider myself to be very kind and positive, and yet someone brings to my attention my repeated unkind and negative treatment towards them, I now have a conflict between my self-image as being kind and positive, and the evidence that I’m not as kind or positive as I like to believe. Often people will resolve this conflict by lashing out at, being hostile or passive-aggressive towards, or simply avoiding people who tell us things we don’t want to hear. So if I cut off people who tell me things I don’t want to hear, now I can comfortably surround myself with those who do tell me what I want to hear. This is an immature way to deal with cognitive dissonance. The better way is to say “hmmm… I haven’t been as kind or positive as I like to think I am… I will apologize and make amends”. That is the mature way to handle it and resolve cognitive dissonance. This is part of why in the dance scene folks who falsely think of themselves as “elite”,whether as an instructor or dancer, sometimes react in an unpleasant manner when confronted with information that pops their “bubble”, whether it be a friend, a partner, a mentor or a colleague who keeps it real with us. This also explains why sometimes folks who have an uber-elevated opinion of their own abilities act “funny” towards or avoid being around true elite level dancers or those with more ability, or try to sidestep by saying they just have a different “style” from elite level dancers because of the discomfort that is the hallmark of cognitive dissonance. That conflict between the self-image of being“the best dancer” and the reality check of being “not the best dancer” can be tough to swallow. Being a big fish in a small pond can feel great, but we must be very conscientious about how we act when we are reminded that there are always bigger fish, and bigger ponds,particularly when the reminder is ultimately to our own benefit. Those who think they know everything stop learning, and those who think they’ve already “arrived” stop growing.

But don’t get me wrong my people, I’ve suffered from the “bubble”myself. Two months after I started taking Kizomba lessons with Kizomba Harmony a couple years back, I considered myself to be “good”. And although I was relatively “good” in comparison to my local peers, imagine my shock when, a few months later, Kizomba Harmony brought Isabelle and Felicien to Houston for a workshop. For those who don’t know, theyare from Paris, which has a huge thriving and relatively advanced Kizomba scene. For months, I’d thought of myself as “good”, but that workshop absolutely kicked my butt (the struggle was real!),and really opened my eyes as to what my true level was. Talk about a humbling experience lol. My “bubble of distortion” was definitely popped! And as I continued to work hard and level up, each time I’d start to get comfortable and start “smelling myself” my now-partner Monica Kay would bring awesome talent like Nika Karter, Florian Tep, Jeffrey and Leila, Oscar BA, Cymeone Mopao, and Ennuel Iverson to Houston and I’d be humbled all over again and reminded that I had much more to learn. But rather than be hostile or overly “in my feelings” about it, it motivated me to work that much harder to get better. And in that way, among others, Monica’s hard work directly contributed to my current level in a big way, and the level of the scene in Houston for that matter. Even now as an instructor, I still have to remind myself that although my level of Kizomba ability is relatively decent, I still have much more to learn and room to grow. Of course, continuing to have amazing talent come to town like Yair and Chalianna, Eddy Vents, Lucia Nogueira (next weekend! Shoutout to Eric and Karla DMMK!), and Moun (March!) certainly helps me keep things in check.

Speaking of staying humble, I think my partner deserves a shoutout here. Having a partner like Monica is a definite asset. Monica,although she is truly an elite level follow, and has danced with the best dancers in the world, she is always driven to get better, and she pushes me and everyone else to do the same. Her BS meter is set to “NOPE”, and though sometimes it’s challenging having your “bubble” popped, she really helps keep me focused on leveling up. In fact, I can attribute a significant portion of my rapidly increasing dance ability to working with her and teaching. To take it farther, I’d say a sizable portion of the reason Houston has become known for having the level of dancers it has is a result of the work she’s put in bringing talent here and leveling folks up over the past year when she started teaching on her own as the head of Kizomba Harmony. So, Monica, you are appreciated!

Often our actions are motivated by our goals, so it makes sense to talk about goals a bit. My goal as a dancer was at first to simply be good enough to give the ladies a fun dance, and therein make it more likely that I would be able to get as many dances as I want when I would go out social dancing. So I made sure not to only work on dance ability, but also attitude and etiquette (like smelling good and not being a creeper).

Now my goal as a dancer is to be considered among the elite Kizomba/Semba dancers worldwide (and a damn good salsa/bachata dancer too!), and I’m working hard to that end, while still making sure to smell good and be respectful and kind of course! My goal as an instructor is to help build a scene where people have a high level of ability, a great attitude, and a genuine desire to dance with EVERYONE, not only elite level dancers, famous people, or the hot young thangs. A scene where people like to dance Kizomba, Semba, and Tarraxinha appropriately, and enjoy listening to all music, whether Kizomba, Ghetto Zouk, Semba, Tarraxinha, instrumentals and dancing appropriately and with excellent technique and musicality as the music leads us. A scene where beginners and people of all backgrounds feel welcomed and appreciated, and where instructors treat each other with respect civility, and kindness.

To that end, I’ll leave these final thoughts.

Dancers, if your goal is to be elite level, you should (especially as a beginner) take classes with EVERYONE as your resources allow. Each instructor has his or her own methods of teaching, and you can usually learn something from everyone. I know as a student I took classes with everyone I could, and I still try to take as many classes as I can as time allows, even classes focusing on “the basics”. As you level up more and more, do research and look to see whose style you most feel drawn to, or if you get the chance to dance with instructors, who gives you the “feel” you like most, and seek them out for privates. Lastly, practice, practice, practice. The trifecta of group classes, private lessons, and practice will get you where you want to be. And as you level up, be sure to remember to keep working on your basics, and remember where you came from when a beginner asks you to dance! I know did and still do make it a point to dance with beginners regularly, and I still to this day practice my basics constantly.

To my instructors, please continue to work hard and provide a quality product to our students. I know it’s easy to let marketing and more commercial aspects of being an instructor take priority over increasing your dance level, but please make an effort to level up if you aren’t already. As American Kizomba instructors we are definitely in the vanguard and have the potential to truly create an amazing dance scene that all will enjoy and benefit from. And although healthy competition can be a beautiful thing, don’t allow it to influence you to the point where you start acting “funny” towards those you view as competitors. We’re all in this together, and the students and scene benefit when we remember that. This doesn’t mean we can’t disagree, have differing opinions, or even call each other out sometimes (in a civil manner), but there should not be conflict to the point of students feeling like they have to “choose sides”,because they shouldn’t and don’t have to. We’re all boats in the ocean of Kizomba, and as the water level increases, all of our boats rise. Just something to keep in mind.

I appreciate you all taking the time to read this. I know it was long, and I might have ruffled a few feathers, but I do this out of a genuine love and passion for Kizomba and the scene we’re creating. I look forward to hearing your thoughts! See you all on the dance floor my people!

Originally written as a Facebook Note (embedded below)