What if I told you it was entirely possible to be physically close to another human being, to enjoy that close contact with another person, and to be fully present in that moment without it turning into anything sexual or inappropriate? Well it is! And that is part of the beauty of Kizomba! Learning how to separate non-sexual (but pleasant) human contact from sexual contact is difficult in our American culture that is paradoxically hyper-sexed but at the same time sexually repressed, and yet learning to do so is what truly enables us to “connect” with each other, and brings a level of peace, happiness, and harmony that has turned many of us into Kizomba addicts!
Unfortunately, the word “connection” is tossed around so much by folks who don’t truly understand what connection really means. Some of these folks try to use Kizomba as a “stand-in” for a romantic, sexual, or other type of relationship, and some equate “connection” with physical attraction, for instance. But therein lies a problem. The “connection” one enjoys in Kizomba in its purest form is NOT a romantic or sexual one, as Kizomba is at its core a family dance. Many of us are able to enjoy close contact and connection with family members with few issues, but struggle with close contact to non-family members. And some of us enter the dance scene because we’re looking to either “tap into a new market” of the opposite sex (or same-sex of course), or we’re looking to have more romantic success in the dance world than we had in the real world, and this thirsty vibe can create issues for those who are just looking to dance and have good clean fun (or slightly naughty fun that stays on the dance floor)! And though I understand that being in a community of adults who share common passions (such as dance), romantic interactions will occur, and that can be a beautiful thing (hell it happened to me!), the really thirsty “meat market” vibe that is prevalent in some dance scenes is dangerous to the healthy growth of the community long-term, and is something we do NOT want to see happen with Kizomba!
We would hate to see dancers stop dancing when they start dating someone, or to see folks who are already married or in relationships hesitate to try Kizomba because they fear that the close contact inherent to Kizomba might cause strain or issues in their relationship, or misconstrue the close hold of Kizomba as something inherently inappropriate for someone who is taken. It is entirely possible to enjoy dancing Kizomba/Semba (and other dances) without jeopardizing any current relationships.
In fact, dancing Kizomba can help us learn to set proper boundaries. For instance, I’m in a very happy relationship, and yet I enjoy connecting with others on the dance floor (and off the dance floor). When dancing, I enjoy the close contact, as it’s basically a hug (unless the person is funky, but we work hard to discourage such things at our events lol), but I set boundaries. So, even if I’m dancing with a hot young thang that isn’t Monica (such as Mitali, Chelsea, and Melissa the ladies in the pic), I’m able to enjoy the connection for what it is, and set boundaries as to what it’s not, so I stay out of trouble. So I enjoy some awesome connected dances (and maybe a lil tasteful Tarraxinha mixed in here and there heh heh), and then I go home with my woman and all is well! The Kizomba connection is NOT a “stand-in” for relationships of any sort, but is an awesome complement to your current relationships and will add value to your life whether you have no friends or 100, whether you’re single or happily married!
So what does “connection” mean in the context of Kizomba? It’s what happens when two dancers experience trust, respect, relaxation, and presence in the moment on the social dance floor, and therein have a supremely enjoyable dance. And a dancer who understands what connection truly means and how to “set the stage”, as it were, will be able to connect with almost ANYONE on the social dance floor, regardless of looks, size, background, or relationship status. Want to learn more about connection and become part of an awesome community (and get TONS of free hugs)? Check out our weekly classes on Tuesdays at 7:30 (Instructor permission required) and Wednesdays at 8:00 at Sonia’s World of Dance (5535 Richmond Ave), or you can check out our app Kizomba To Go™ which has been downloaded in 80+ COUNTRIES at www.kizombatogo.com! For more info about Kizomba Harmony check out our website at www.kizombaharmony.com or our Facebook Fanpage at www.facebook.com/KizombaHarmony! See you all on the dance floor soon!